have you ever cared so much about something
and it eat at you so much
that you begin to feel numb to the things
right in front of your face making it hurt in the first place?
it's like constantly being stung by wasps, one after the other.
over and over.
but after it happens for long enough,
you're able to walk through an entire nest of them
and be completely oblivious to the fact.
it's not a matter of what happened.
it's what didn't happen.
the fact that I took a step back when I should have taken two forward.
i was only twelve.
i've said my sorrys but that's not even the matter.
what to do?
i can't find the heart to sit back and call it an unfortunate situation.
usually when people say "no one understands"...
it's far from the truth.
thousands of people have been through the same thing.
yet, in my 15 year old mind, i tried to make myself believe that i wasn't the only one going through this.
but in all my 20 years, nine, now dealing with the complication, i've never met anyone
who can even begin to comprehend how i feel even after i explain every detail.
for so long i've felt like the lost coyote howling by herself on the emptiest cliff in existence.
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