Where there lies spiritual highs,
there also lies spiritual lows.
After reading a book titled
"Heaven Is For Real";
a true story
written by Pastor Todd Burpo,
about his 3-year old son's experience
of visiting Heaven and meeting Jesus,
my eyes were opened to the beauty
and legitimate truth about this
little boy's story.
At the end of the book,
3-year old Colton's child-like faith
is highlighted.
He asks for a rainbow.
And God gives it to him.
Two weeks ago,
I asked for a rainbow.
It was a rainy week.
The sun was trying to come out.
Every time I remembered my prayer,
I looked up.
To this day,
I never saw a rainbow.
For the past two weeks,
I've been in quick sand.
Each morning I've woken up
less and less willing
to spend time with God.
Not because of the lack of rainbow.
Mostly, my busy schedule.
And this strange apathetic
attitude that I couldn't shake.
What do you do when you don't
desire to spend time with God?
When you honestly feel like
you don't care?
When you feel strong enough
to get through the day without Him?
It's hard believing in something
that you cannot see.
A month ago,
I wrote a blog
about love not being a feeling.
About it being a choice.
I have not written since then.
This morning I was driving to work.
I stopped in a parking lot to drink
my coffee and to think.
I looked up at the sky.
...Perfect weather for a rainbow.
God reminded me of my blog.
That's when it hit me.
My faith endurance is slim to none.
I haven't taken time out of my day
for two weeks to spend it with my Savior,
because I haven't felt like it.
Love is not a feeling.
It is a choice.
I chose to love God
when I was 7 years old and
asked Him into my heart.
It has been a choice since then.
After a few days of not seeing a rainbow,
I gave up.
And after a few days of not "feeling" like
spending time with Him.
I gave up trying.
But what if God gave up?
What if He came down off of His cross
and said,
I give up.
I look back at these past two weeks,
and they've been very bland.
Truth is,
God's love makes me joyful.
I've been living my life,
quite happy.
But it's been my family and friends who
have been filling my life with happiness.
I am so thankful for them.
But joy...
joy comes from a different place.
And i've only ever known God to be
able to fill it.
God is teaching me something
so important.
Patience.
He's teaching me to keep trusting,
even when all hope is lost.
Even when you don't see the rainbow,
just keep believing.
He's teaching me to choose to LOVE
Him everyday,
because He loves me anyway.
My faith is being redefined.
It's not just a set of words
or feelings or actions anymore.
He's working to make it a solid rock
on which I stand,
cuz all other ground is sinking sand.
I'll get my rainbow one day,
Until then,
I just have a lot to learn.
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