Upon His First Birthday

Upon his first birthday[...]

It was about this time a year ago 

that my body began to go into labor. 

Our promised son, Ezekiel was finally on his way!

My son’s birth has changed me. 
He has absolutely wrecked me.

I’m sure many mothers have tried
to sufficiently write or talk about what it’s liketo become a mother. I’d be curious to learn if any feel
they’ve adequately described it.
I’m convinced that no words can
completely reach the full supernatural
experience of becoming a mama.
But I’m sure going to try!

This photo was seconds after he was born.
He is staring right up into my eyes.
He was a stranger,
but I knew him intimately all at the same time.

It’s a funny thing growing a life inside of your body
and then holding it on the outside.
You’ve had 9 months of wonder,
falling in love more and more with
each movement, kick, and flutter.
You learn their daily activity,
the ways they move, their positions they sleep in.
They are part of you.
And by the time you’re ready to give birth,
you know this little person so intimately,
and yet have never met them face to face.

But when I met him...
it was like my heart stopped,
took a deep breath,
and with tears in its eyes, sighed as if you say, “it’s you...”

And then, the overwhelming love that ensues
after this life-altering moment is unreal.
Every day becomes an unraveling journey
of learning what love really is;
connecting the dots of God’s perfect design for life,
the endless revelations of His love for his children
simply from the way I’m loving my child.
I would be sitting and rocking Ezekiel,
sobbing because I was so overwhelmed
with the love I felt in my heart for him.

And now...he is ONE.
What an amazing year it has been.
I would change nothing.

And that little baby that was
once inside of me is becoming
more and more independent everyday,
slowly weening himself from his dependency on me.

And sometimes I think,
it often feels like there is still
a part of him inside of me.
And from the sounds of it,
I don't think that will ever go away.This is the one thing I struggle the most to explain. But it’s as if, while in the womb,
our hearts were knitted together.
And then after his birth,
we were two beings but still one heart.

It’s a funny thing seeing your heart run around outside of your chest. 🖤

Happy first birthday, my baby boy.
Thank you for changing my life for the better.

Love, Mommy