I am a virgin.
There is nothing about myself in my life that I am more proud of.
And there is nothing about myself in my life that I find harder.
Ever since I was little, I've known I was the different one. The one that didn't think the same as everyone else. And I don't say this in a way that makes me sound like I constantly put myself above others, because that's far from the truth. But I've always had a different way to look at a situation or see the good side of a bad person.
Growing up, I had morals, but they lacked one thing - value. I knew what I believed but it didn't mean as much to me as it does right now.
All my life I've met guys who don't necessarily "agree" with me, but rather, "respect" it. And while I appreciate this, I've recently realized just how many sacrifices I've truly made.
Because of what I believe, I've been hurt, I've been lied to, I've been cheated, I've been abused and I've been made fun of. And while all these horrible things occurred, I still moved on and found another guy that would "respect" it.
I'm sick of being treated like my decision is some sort of disability, I'm tired of having to tell a guy he's gone too far, I'm fed up with being rejected because I won't give someone all of me. It gets to me when I have to cry over someone who's accepted me at first but decided they just couldn't take it, and it destroys me to the point where each time I'm hurt, I'm the one who feels defeated. I just hold my head in my hands and mouth the words "not again" over and over.
I'm ready to stop being second best to a girl who'd willingly give her body just to get a guy. I'm ready to be looked at as a person to love and not to lust. And I'm past the point of being ready to just simply be enough. To that one guy. Who can look me in the eyes and say "I like you for you. And you're more important than sex. You're enough."
When will I meet a guy that has the same beliefs as me? I've already started to question whether or not they exist.
One thing I pride myself for is each time I was constantly hurt because of what I've decided for myself, never, once did I ever even CONSIDER giving it up. It has always been something that is more important to me than all the emotional and physical pain in the world.
And so I'll wait. Because I believe with all my heart that God will show me the reason for my waiting. He's out there somewhere. And while I'm waiting I will not be blind to his obvious purpose he has for me.
I want my life to be surround by God. Solely. Purposefully. For Eternity.
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