Late night drives always give me
a rush of feelings.
all these fairy tale movies
giving me fairy tale ideas.
thoughts of love.
the kind of love that you don't think exists.
the kind of love that surprises you.
when you look into the other person's eyes
and remain speechless because you simply
can't believe that it's really happening.
the kind that is far from perfect,
but you're closer than perfect for each other.
sometimes i think too much.
sometimes i think just enough.
my foot starts feeling heavier
as my car accelerates.
my throat is sore.
the only thing that will soothe it
is a cold glass of milk.
it worked as a kid when I'd come inside
from climbing trees
with skinned knees and a busted lip.
my fists make bone white impressions
against the skin of my knuckles
from gripping at the wheel.
back is arched and eyes are narrowed.
but not in anger.
it's that all too familiar feeling.
returning all too soon.
that overwhelming sense of loneliness.
not the "i have no one" kind.
but a hole in my chest.
I'm missing something.
And if I don't hold it together,
I'll fall apart.
A little of a year ago.
I was shown what I wanted.
I know what I want.
Which in a twisted way,
makes it harder to find.
Waiting for the day that I look into
that guys eyes and say
"there you are"
because I know, without a doubt
I'll know my soul mate
the first time I see him.
And I'll hold it together until then.
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