watched the dirt form a cloud of dust in front of me
from the impact of my navy colored sneakers on solid ground.
i was afraid to move forwards.
afraid to move backwards.
one road took me to a place i'd been avoiding for quite sometime.
a place of pain and hurt.
one single experience that i realized i'd never been okay with.
my eyes followed the dark narrow path while images flooded my tired mind.
there were rocks. big rocks.
scattered down the entire pathway.
like they'd been dug up from somewhere else and placed there purposely.
memories became more and more vivid as i struggled to pull my gaze.
my chest was constricted, making it hard to breathe and focus my head enough
to remember how to look away.
the wind blew hard, not cold, but cool enough to sting my wet cheeks.
my eyes focused on the other path.
when i looked down i realized my toes were already pointing in that direction.
this was the path i'd been walking for a while.
i looked ahead.
the ground had holes in it.
deep holes that would probably swallow me alive if i wasnt careful.
something big was missing from this path.
i looked back behind me.
more holes.
i guess i'd been really careful to step around them.
what would i do now?
build a door for the dark painful path
so i could shut it out of my memory again?
that way i could continue walking down the holy path.
the craters weren't THAT big.
would they get bigger though?
maybe I should hold my breath
and run into the dark painful path.
i'd climb over the towering boulders.
I could face my past and converge the two paths together.
filling the gaps of the current path with that of the old one.
but it would take time.
maybe too much time.
i sat down in the middle of my life.
and thought.
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