2008 RECAP:
http://www.facebook.com/aliscorner?v=app_2347471856&ref=profile#/note.php?note_id=42378918817
Last year around this time.
I decided to do something I'd never done before.
To not tell anyone what I was doing.
And to just complete each deed selflessly.
I made a list.
I decided that 2009 would be the year of love.
January 3rd, 2009
The Year Of Love:
-strength
-hope
-comfort
-faith
-encouragement
-trust
-peace
-care
-patience
-laughter
-prayer
-happiness
Each month I would demonstrate
a different kind of love.
My resolution was to "love people regardless of if I get love back or not."
And I did.
I went all out.
I loved
and I wanted.
I lived
and I hurt.
I was baffled at the way each month
seemed to display the appropriate type of love
based on what was happening in my life.
2009 taught me to be comfortable with being by myself.
It's nice to have the company of another human being.
But I found comfort in a hot shower.
In red wine and a movie.
In playing the piano.
and in music with the
summer breeze coming in my
bedroom window.
2009 taught me to love the people
who spit in my face even more.
Not saying this is an easy thing to do.
I'm still in awe of God and His ability to
not only bite his tongue in front of people,
but to turn words of silence into words of love.
But the most important thing i've learned in 2009...
Is that
I'm the most stubborn person i've ever met.
Mom says I get my strong willingness from Grandma Weber.
She says i've always been this way.
I didn't like to be confined as a child.
Or to be told what to do or to wear.
I was picking my clothes out and dressing myself
by age two.
And I was out of that stupid car seat that restricted my freedom
by age three.
I want.
and I do what I want.
I get what I want.
And sometimes it works against me.
Sometimes
I want what's not good for me.
and I want it so bad,
that I compromise.
In 2010...
I won't rely on my own understanding.
But I will completely and wholeheartedly submit
to my savior.
The one who's been here my entire life.
The one who loves me so much that there is no end.
I get weak at the knees for Him.
And when I sing to Him on Sunday mornings,
my heart breaks for Him in a million pieces.
He is my weakness.
But with Him
I'm not weak at all.
This is the year that I'm going to become happy.
And I mean,
completely happy.
Not in the sense of laughing, joking
giggling and goofing around happy.
But completely satisfied.
With my life.
With who I am.
My soul cravings will be met.
That boy I met two years ago.
Showed me EXACTLY what I wanted in a guy.
And I was stupid to ever be okay with anything less.
I've never been more disconnected
from anyone or anything in my life.
Nothing has ever mattered to me less.
No human touch
word
gesture
or act of kindness
could satisfy me more than
the feeling of being in the arms of my God.
He is what I need.
The only thing I need.
Everything else will be provided.
And those things, might I add.
Are the things that are good for me.
So...here's to 2010.
To being an even more modest,
yet confident person.
To not thinking of my belief of abstinence
as something that hinders me from having a relationship.
I have faith that he's out there.
I just haven't met him yet.
Someone i've never thought possible to even exist.
No longer will I feel like i'm the one who's not enough.
I won't be the one missing out.
My New Years Resolution:
"To not rely on my own understanding. And to completely and wholeheartedly submit to God."
For in a year I'll know, that I'm exactly
where I'm supposed to be.
Nothing more.
Nothing less.
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