ali's Corner. [Season Finale]

no more myspace/facebook.

i realize this isn't something you've never heard before.
but recently,
my life has taken a turn.

very...quickly.

Every night for the past week
has been filled with the most extreme
feeling of sadness, emptiness & lonliness.

I have a problem.

I rely on people too much.


If I have a bad day,
who can I call?

I wanna go out to lunch,
who do I want to eat with?

I realized this on sunday night.


I laid in my bed.
restless.
uneasy.

everyone was asleep.
the pain in my stomach
and lonliness in my heart
was too much to bear.


breakdowns.
gripping my pillows.
tears on my sweatpants.

i called out to God
for him to hold me.

I longed for his touch.
But he didn't answer.
I'd never felt more alone in my entire life.

Suddenly he began racing thoughts,
memories, flashbacks through my head.
of when I was younger.
And when I was feeling lonely,
I'd crawl in and sleep on my parents floor.

Or when I was little and complete happiness
meant staying up for 10 more minutes just to
play another round of yahtzee.


I understood.

God didn't deliver because
I wasn't listening.

But i finally heard him.
He wants me to finish creating myself.

I'm not finished yet.

He wants me to be completely satisfied
with what I have.
And not search for crave for more.


I have a WONDERFUL family.
WONDERFUL friends.
and a WONDERFUL life.

I feel it.

God has big plans for me.

I want to make a difference
one life at a time.


Bottomline

He's told me to let go of my dependence on people.
myspace/facebook are places that I go to
to reach out to people from the comfort of my own room.

No More.

I'll take the time I would use to get online
and instead redirect myself to my bible.


I'm going to be fully dependent on myself
and God.

And when it's done.
I'll be new.
I'll be fresh.
I'll be strong.
I'll be everything I've ever dreamed/hoped to be.


A couple weeks ago I asked him to USE me.
This isn't necesarily what I had in mind.

But I trust him completely.
with my life.
my future.
my happiness.


He hasn't given me a time.
I'll be back on someday.
Ali's Corner isn't over yet.
I'm guessing it will be when God and I are done creating me.


I have a cell phone.
I have a doorbell.
&&
I have a mailbox.

I Love You all.

-ali

PS - You can track my journey at:
www.onelifedevotion.livejournal.com