I consider myself a Christian.
Like, the real kind.
It is such an overly used word.
It's more of an adjective than it is a noun.
I've never been one to pretend.
I don't act like things are great
when they aren't.
I also don't hide my struggles
from people or from God.
Struggles, trials and troubles
are what shape us.
It forms our character.
It makes us or breaks us
depending on how we tackle
the toughies.
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I'll be honest.
Being a Christian is the hardest thing
I have ever been, done and pursued.
Why?
Because it goes against
everything that we are.We were created to be with God.
And to love Him.
But after the fall of man,
it is in our nature to rebel against God.
Going to church is against our human nature.
[Not our original created nature].
Obeying God is against our human nature.
Loving God,
loving others,
trusting God,
showing grace to others,
is all against our human nature.
So really, seeing Christians in action,
intrigues me.
They are attractive.
Because, there is something going on
inside of them,
that is NOT of themselves,
giving them desire and passion
to fight against their own human nature,
and serve a God that they can't even see.
Talk.
about.
FAITH.
So,
what goes on inside of their heads?
There has to be a point or several points,
where they argue with themselves.
When their natural human nature
tries to take over and win the spiritual battle.
What kinds of battles do their minds face?
In my experience,
I've discovered that I care a lot
[and maybe too much]
about what people think of me.
I wear my heart on my sleeve.
And my faith consumes all of my heart.
Therefore, when my faith is attacked,
my heart suffers, too.
[1]
I get angry.
So many times,
I want to fight back.
I have been called
an idiot.
a dreamer.
I've been told that I am
weak.
and stupid.
Or that I live in a land
of make-believe.
I've had friends
walk away from me.
Claiming that my
faith is just too much.
But, what I believe,
is my reason for existance.
It is every bit of truth to me.
My first human instinct is to
stick up for myself.
To make a convincing statement
that my faith has reason for consideration.
But I do not.
My faith relies heavily on scripture.
And scripture tells me to forgive.
For they know not what they do. [Luke 23:34]
and it tells me not to get caught up
in foolish debates.
Not to be arguementative;
but to teach and be able to respectfully
correct. [2 Timothy 2:23-24]
Internally, I'll be honest:
It makes me angry that I suffer
due to the ignorance of another human.
They can call me names and I can...
...say nothing?
And externally, yes.
For it's truly not my battle to fight.
[2]
I struggle with needing acceptance from others.
I gain acceptance by going out of my way to help people.
It is the line
when helping people is hurting me
that am still learning to recognize.
We all have weaknesses
with voids
that we learn to fill
with other things.
Most of the time,
the fillings are temporary,
unless we release them to
the One who created us.
Since my faith is based on scripture,
it asks me if I am trying to win the approval
of men or of God.
If I am seeking approval from men,
then I am not a servant of Christ. [Galatians 1:10]
Internally, I'll be honest:
The approval of people
deems much more satisfying
because it is relational
and I can see it.
A high five,
a passing nod,
or a genuine "thank you"
are all things I don't get from God.
But they are immediate.
And they are uplifting.
Externally,
It is okay to crave these things,
it is my way of knowing that I have done well.
It's okay to be uplifted and encouraged.
But it is not okay to depend on them
in order to feel accepted.
[3]
There is a countless number of sins
that our society has and continues to
find ways to make okay.
Or atleast more acceptable.
As children,
our minds are so brainwashed.
They're corrupted at early ages,
making it nearly impossible,
to rid our minds of the yuck
and start over again with the child-like faith.
We have to know our God.
We have to know His word.
And what He deems okay and acceptable.
Rather than "bandwagoning" with our society.
And since my faith is based on scripture,
Scripture tells me to focus on whatever is
true,
noble,
right,
pure,
lovely,
admirable,
excellent,
or praiseworthy
and to think about such things. [Phillipians 4:8]
But in my experience,
while trying to rid my mind and life
of such things that are not
admirable
or pure.
But are rather
evil and wicked;
and a firey combination
for a potential breeding ground of sin,
I have been called closed-minded.
As if my lifestyle is somehow
too weak to be considered worthy
of existing in this society.
Internally, I'll be honest:
My knowledge of
what people do behind closed doors
to seek pleasure from sexual desire
is greater than most would think.
However, my experience of it is zero to none.
And externally,
I protect my eyes,
my ears
and my mouth
from seeing,
hearing and talking about such things.
For I am only sheltered
because I choose to shelter myself.
I gain nothing from indulging in such things
of this twisted society.
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I choose not to fight back,
for I am representing Christ;
to the broken,
the confused,
the weak
and even the ones who hate.
I will represent Christ and all of His glory
the best that I can because it is my purpose
as a Christian.
It is who I am.
Rather than who this world has made me.
Internal conflicts constantly
swim around in everyone's mind.
For Christians, however,
it is a constant battle between
mind and spirit.
And the winner,
depends on which you feed the most.
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