ali's Corner. [Have What You Want But Want What You Have]

It's so easy to take things for granted.
You get used to life being a certain way
and to having certain things,
your mind accepts it as the norm
and tells you this is how it will
always be.

But when you really take time and
look back to how life was before you had it,
the value of that aspect increases.

I don't know if anyone knows this about me,
and if they do, they probably think i'd never
admit it.
but,
I am a loner.
I like to be by myself.
And I'm completely content with it
for long periods of time,
but sometimes it scares me.
And I can only take so much.

I remember last year,
my days consisted only of
time to myself.
Staying at home with my parents
or going to the coffee shop to write
in my journal.

every night.

I remember the overwhelming sense
of lonliness that started to become of it.
It became a physical pain in my soul.
Begging, longing and needing
that human connection.
I prayed about it for months.
I'd ask God why He wasn't introducing me
to anyone.

No answer.
I was to be patient.

I knew God was all I needed.
And I knew i'd be okay if I had to spend
the rest of my life in this state of solitare.
Nevertheless, God provided everything I needed,
and to be honest, at that point in my life,
I truly thought that's all God did.
Was provided what I needed.
But it's now I've learned that He provides my deepest desires.
Desires that I didn't even know were there
until He shows me what I never knew I longed for.
He wants to bless us.
And that's such a hard concept for us, as humans, to grasp.

What a beautiful man God's given me
to enjoy everyday.
John isn't like any other.
He's the present I get to open everyday.
The one I never tire of.
My heart dances at the sight of
his smile,
and my mind says "i'm home"
at the touch of his embrace.
He is beyond wonderful.

I'm so thankful for everything I have now.
Whether or not, "my own understanding"
knows it,
I have everything I need.
And with time,
and that is, not my own timing,
but God's,
I will be blessed beyond anything I can imagine.
That's just what happends when we give our lives
to Christ.
He takes the life we're either content or
busting-at-the-seams-from-happiness with
and makes it into something so much greater.
Almost unimaginable.
His work blows my mind.

Looking back,
and seeing what i've come from,
to what He's given me,
I am in absolute awe.