ali's Corner. [My Fourth Day]

"My heart breaks for God.
He makes my knees weak on Sunday mornings
as we slow dance to His worship songs."
-ali

It's taken me this long
to realize why God called me to the
Great Banquet.

God wanted to teach me something
i've been longing to know for
quite some time now.

During my three day
and three night retreat away from home.
Away from society.
I wanted to connect with God.
I wanted to feel His embrace.
His touch.
His love.
But for the first two days,
I couldn't.
I was more than frustrated.
I yelled at Him.
"Where are you, GOD!?"
My voice was hoarse.
I slept in sadness.
But what I didn't realize
until the very last day,
Was that He was right there the entire time.
He's always been right there.

He was there the day I fell off
my bicycle for the first time.
He was there my first day of school
when I was so, so scared.
He was there the nights i'd pace
my kitchen floor, just crying.
The night I wanted to end everything.
He was there.
Holding me.
He cried with me.

Although we don't always F.E.E.L God
doesn't mean He isn't there.
In fact, He's always there.
Even if you've NEVER felt Him.

The last day of my Great Banquet,
God started to teach me many, many things.

God taught me
To put Him first.
He's the first thing I think of in the morning.
And the last thing I think of at night.
I indulge in His word each morning.
As I'm enjoying out my window the
wonderful sounds and smells He created.

God taught me
Just how wonderful my earthly Father is.
That weekend.
Being away from the rest of my family.
Made me miss them.
I wasn't expecting to see
my Dad when I did.
I can't say much,
due to the surprises
this Great Banquet holds,
but I walked in with sweats
on and a beanie.
To a beautiful setting.
I was underdressed.
But it didn't matter.
God sees the underlying layer.
He sees my heart.
And to Him, I am so, so special.
I was treated like royalty.
And taught that we all deserve to
be treated like this.
For this is how much God loves us.
I saw my earthly Father.
At my heavenly Father's banquet.
He looked so handsome.
All dressed up.
Serving so, so selflessly.
My eyes filled up with tears.
and I realized just how much
I love my Dad.
I don't think I tell him enough.
He needs to know everyday.
Just how incredibly thankful
and grateful I am of him.

But mostly...
God taught me
One thing I've been longing to know my entire life.
how to love.
I can now honestly say
I love you to anyone that I care for.
and mean it. period.
There are no "buts" anymore.
For where an "I love you but" existed.
I wouldn't say I love you at all.
I didn't know how.
But now,
I see through His eyes.
We all desire the same,
whether we know it or not.
We all have the same soul craving.
I see everyone in the same light.
No one is better than another.
No one is born evil.
It has everything to do with
what they've been exposed to.
I now know HOW to say I love you.
And mean it. No matter what.
It's a powerful thing.
And it constantly fills my heart with joy.

"I have no doubt in my mind
that God sent me to the Great Banquet
so that I could come back
and share this all with you."


If this feeling I hold now and everyday
inside of my heart, at this very moment
isn't the work.
the love.
and the power of God
coming out of me,
I would be nothing.
It just isn't possible for me to
feel this way without God.

Without God,
I am nothing.

I don't WANT to be anything without God.
Because God is love.
and without love,
none of us are anything.

I am no greater than anyone else.
I just feel blessed to have what I do.
Anyone can experience this great love.
It's overwhelming.
Heartbreaking.
and breath taking.

Nothing I say or do
I can take credit for.
I am a selfish and bitter person without God.
I've seen myself without Him.
And it's nothing short of ugly.
He makes me who I am.

Not to us
But to His name be the glory.

CRGB #26
Table of Mary.