ali's Corner. [When A Friend Becomes A Stranger]

Sometimes when I write...
I can't stop.

My mind continues to throw
things,
thoughts
and ideas around until
I can put into words how I feel.

Today I feel...distant.
It hit me as I drove to lunch
just how much it bugged me.
I think I figured some stuff out about myself.

If someone walked straight up to me
and said "what's wrong?"
It's not even something
I could answer simply,
not something a card and teddy bear
could fix either.

I could say
"I just can't trust people easily"
But that's such an understatement.
So is "I long for a connection.
Deeply.
Badly."

I feel like these feelings have gone on
for so long that i've
"lost faith in connections.
all together."

Simple enough
right?
- Not really.

I look back at my connections
in the past.
The ones that made me feel worthy.
Purposeful.
And now, every one of those
is gone.
Not even a memory to linger on.
I am only human.
Very likely to change my mind
almost instantaneously.

Maybe I need to get used to this.
People really do come into your life
for different periods of time.
And it's within that time period
that we do exactly what's supposed to be done.

My parents?
For life.
A friend that needs prayer?
Years.
A friend who needs someone to talk to?
Months.
A stranger?
minutes.

And when we encounter these
connections,
It is only our human instincts that may feel
something more,
and strive to extend that set time
for them to be in our lives.
And when it "doesn't work out"
or fails,
we're crushed.
confused.
devistated.
Not once does it occur to us that it just
"wasn't meant to be".