Brain Yak.

A thousand thoughts

swim through my mind

each awaiting the attention

of something to give it meaning.

Like the way we so easily

forget who we are.

And whose we are.

How hard it is to grow up,

and make long-term decisions,

no matter how much or well

people try to prepare us for it.

The way we forget to stop

and look at our lives to be thankful.

And the frustration that comes 

with seeing and having knowledge

of joy that should be there, 

but feeling unable to indulge in it.

How easy it is to become

complacent.

Apathetic.

and unmotivated.

How the little things

that happened to us in 

our pasts seemed to only 

hurt then,

but as we age,

the memories subconsciously

take control of our thoughts,

and in turn control our responses.

And the frustration

that comes with the overwhelming

realization of how much

you truly have to uncover,

process,

and heal from.

The relieving way

God's truth stands 

firm no matter how

firm I'm standing.

Praise God that the

authenticity of His truth

does not rely solely on my faith.

How His truth is available for belief

all of the time.

It never stops being true.

It does not depend on whether or

not it has my belief at the moment.

How His promises are always there,

even if I've seemingly checked out.

Praise God for grace.

That He refrains

from giving us what we deserve,

but chooses to continually give us 

what we absolutely don't deserve.

ali's Corner. [We Battle. And Then, We Rest.]

"Friends!
Do not be surprised at the fiery
trials you are going through,
as if something strange
were happening to you."
-1 Peter 4:12

The moment we pick up our cross
and decide to follow Jesus,
we become aware of an ongoing
battle and an incredible spiritual realm.

The enemy's den is disturbed
and his hunger to steal,
kill, and destroy is amplified.

His ears, eyes, and evil schemes
become fixated on stealing our joy,
killing our ministry, and destroying our hope.

BUT!  This is also the realm where Jesus
resides and conquers.

MercyMe's song, "You Are I Am"
says it this way,

"You're the one who conquers giants.
You're the one who calls out kings.
You shut the mouths of lions.
You tell the dead to breathe.
You're the one who walks through fire.
You take the orphan's hand.
You are the one Messiah.
You are I am."

And the song "The Great I am,"  
says,
"The mountains shake before Him
The demons run and flee 
At the mention of the name
King of Majesty
There is no power in hell 
Or any who can stand 
Before the power and the presence of the 
Great I am."

This is who God is.
He proves His faithfulness
over and over in the
Old Testament,
the New Testament,
and presently in our lives.

He is for us,
not against us.
And since He is on our side,
there isn't a spiritual battle
that we cannot fight.
And there isn't a spiritual battle,
that He leaves us to fight on our own.

He is always willing,
ever faithful,
never changing,
and always good.

"...take heart! 
I have overcome the world."
-John 16:33

So if you are fighting some spiritual battles
right now, take your battles to the
one true King.
And take heart!
In fact, rejoice!!

The battles get stronger,
the more we fix our eyes on Jesus.
When our feet are pointed to the cross.
And our hearts are pointed upward in adoration.

But our Heavenly Father has a power
that overcomes all evil.
And cannot be diminished.

He always has a tenderness that
allows us to breathe easy
and rest in the shadow of His wing.

So...
Rejoice!
Be Thankful!
And may your joy increase abundantly
as you boast in the Lord!

ali's Corner. [When Did I Stop Praying?]

Often times,
when I hear the term
"spending time with Jesus,"
it connotes a temporary
amount of time set aside
to bask in the presence of The Lord.
To pray, to worship,
and to read God's Word.

But what happens when
I rise from my morning devotionals?
Do I truly carry the Scripture
on my heart?
Or does it fall out of my ears
the moment I stretch from
my cozy blanket and
mug of coffee?

In the Book of James,
it says,
"But don't just listen to
God's word.  You must 
do what it says.
Otherwise, you are only
fooling yourselves.
For if you listen to the word
and don't obey, 
it is like glancing at your face
in a mirror.
You see yourself, walk away,
and forget what you look like."
-James 1:22-24

During my own spiritual walk,
I've noticed a recurring theme.
I do exactly what this verse
in James says not to do!

It seems discouragingly easy for me
to lay God's Word down each morning
and pick up my daily burdens.

What I should really doing is 
laying my daily burdens at The Cross
and writing God's Promises
on my heart.


It's as if upon the arrival of adversity,
I forget Who God is.

His faithfulness.
His goodness.
His perfect will.
His love.
His justice.

But what if...
my calling to
"spend time" with my Savior
just...
...never ended?

What if my daily devotional
time was proceeded with
constant communication
with Jesus?

A communication so constant,
that I literally
never
stop
praying.

What if I took Jesus with
me into my day
simply by allowing Him into
every
single
aspect?
(Instead of closing Him in my Bible
and leaving Him on my nightstand.)

What if upon arising from my slumber,

I greeted Him with this:

Singing to Him in the shower,

Sing to the Lord and praise His name...(Psalm 96:1)

Having a heart-to-heart with Him

on my way to work,

Cast all of your anxiety on Him

because He cares for you...(1 Peter 5:7)

Being joyful amidst trials,

Be joyful always...(1 Thessalonians 5:16)

Thanking Him for my struggles,

Be thankful in all circumstances...(1 Thessalonians 5:18)

Because I know 

He works ALL things

together for the GOOD of those who

love Him and are called according

to His purpose...(Romans 8:28)

All of these things for the simple

reason that 1 Thessalonians 5:17 says,

"Never stop praying."

Never stop praying?

Like...ever?

Surely the underlying problem

at hand with sin, such as,

worry,

lust,

selfishness,

pride,

fear, 

anger,

is that these feelings

often are a result of us

losing sight of how incredibly

big God is.

I once read somewhere that when
Mother Teresa was asked how many times
a day she prays,
she simply replied,
"Well, I never stop."

I can't help but dream how
my life would be different
if I literally never stopped praying.

What if...the next time I caught
myself in the midst of
worry,
pride,
lust,
selfishness,
fear,
anger,
I stopped and asked myself,
"When did I stop praying?"

What if constant prayer

was the new normal?

Christ came to give peace!

And what if

we have our own sort of 

"Promised Lands"

here on Earth leading to

not only experiencing

constant communication with Jesus,

but constant peace where our hearts

and souls can not just rest, but live. 

In Beth Moore's book, Believing God,

she says, "If you're not presently

occupying your [Promised Land], rest

assured the devil is."

What if, as followers of Christ,

our new "state of mind"

was that of one in

constant communication 

with our Creator?

I can't help but allow my mind

to drool at the thought, 

nearly needing a rope

to lasso my imagination 

back into this millennium.

Our Jesus is constantly
calling us to Him
with open arms.
He desires to be in relationship with us.
One that is constantly growing more
intimately and with fierce passion.

However, He stands at the door and knocks.
He doesn't force Himself in.
We must be willing to invite Him into
every aspect of our lives,
so He can work.

Our hearts and minds can
adapt to this new style of living.
So that when adversity hits,
our first line of defense is
that of the shield of faith,
the sword of the spirit,
the breastplate of righteousness,
the helmet of salvation,
and feet fitted with readiness
to fight for peace! (Ephesians 6:10-17)

So next time I find myself in despair,
I will ask,
"When did I stop praying?"

ali's Corner. [He Continues to Wash Me.}

"Until we know the seriousness of
our diagnosis, it is impossible to 
appreciate the cure." -Ben Young

The eyes of my heart
are now being opened.

The dots are slowly connecting
and revealing a greater mystery.

The reality of our destiny
is that without Jesus,
we are dead.
We are not helpless,
hopeless, struggling,
fighting, striving, or working.
We are dead.

By understanding the
reality of our "diagnosis"
without Jesus, we learn
to appreciate, worship,
exalt, and honor our "cure,"
our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Lately I've been wrestling
with this idea.
I've been asking God to reveal
to me the seriousness of my diagnosis.
So that I could then reach a new level
of worship and intimacy with Him.

This realization has been revealed
to me lately, through my own sin.
Through constantly failing
to reach God's standard.

"I had 'sinned' myself into a hole.
I found myself trapped in my 
own dirty-ness and failure
that I began to question God."
So I "gave God a way out."
I deemed it appropriate to probably just
allow God a way out of loving me."
He couldn't possibly keep
on loving such a broken being.

These thoughts filled up my mind
for all of yesterday.
I'm fairly certain that they filled
my thoughts as I slept, too.
They hovered over me as I fell
asleep, and greeted me in the morning
with a huge slam to the face.

So on this gloomy, rainy, Monday morning,
I wrote a letter to my Jesus.
Asking Him of His reasoning
for unconditional love.
Was He out of His mind?

I read it aloud to Him.
"Oh, Jesus, how can You continue
to love such a broken being?
I'm too weak to even help myself.
I am destructive and careless, 
corrupt and selfish.
Why, Lord?
Why do You choose to keep
on loving me?"

The answer was undeniable.
It was so loud, yet in the most
gentle, subtle, yet confident way.
I heard,
"Because you are mine.
You are mine.
You are my child.
I am jealous for you because
you belong to me.
By loving you, it brings
you back to me so I can
just be with you."

...What?

Did the God of the universe
just claim me as His own?
He sure did.

By understanding
how much differently
my destiny would look
without Jesus,
I've learned to appreciate
my Savior that much more.
I lift up holy hands and
raise a joyful noise
to the King.

The most beautiful thing
about Jesus is that once we
have accepted Him and asked
Him to save us from the hungry
pit of death that longs so deeply
to swallow us up,
is that He willingly gives us
His Robe of Righteousness
to wear.
Forever.

"And when we sin,
we cannot 'out-sin' Jesus."
We cannot make Him dirty.
Our uncleanliness does not
exist outside of Jesus' ability
to cleanse and heal us.

So many times I've wanted to
"take off" Jesus' Robe of Righteousness
and hang it in the closet labeled "unworthy."
I've been ashamed of the dirty-ness that lies
underneath His beautiful, pure, and spotless
Robe.

But Jesus says, "keep it on.
Take off the unrighteous behavior.
For you are mine.

So praise the One who
paid my debt and raised this life
up from the dead.

I've decided that rather than
striving to understand why
and how He continues to love me,
I will remain and rejoice in awe of Him.

How He stood in my place
and suffered the death
that I should have suffered.

How he took the role
as my "substitute."

How my salvation has absolutely
nothing to do with my own doings,
but has everything to do with
the love of my Jesus, selfless,
and willing to give His own life,
so that I could be with Him forever.

How even though I continue
to drag myself through
the mud and muck of sin,
He continues to wash me.

ali's Corner. [Pain in the Waiting.]

My best friend, Emily, is a
cardiac and critical care nurse.
She's always full of stories,
ranging from hilarious to touching,
and I much enjoy sitting and listening
to her many adventures at the hospital.

Today over coffee, she told me
of a sweet old couple,
of whom the husband, age 90,
she's had as a patient for a while.
Days prior, he claimed,
"I think I'll be going home from here."

However, the nurses and his wife
later learned that he did not mean
his earthly home, but rather
his home in Heaven that His Jesus
has prepared for him.

Days later,

the wife sat at his bedside 

awaiting her husband's death.

He was now far too weak
even to open his eyes,
let alone interact with his wife.
But she continued
to talk to him.
As she sat in the room,
she told Emily countless
stories of their growing up
and growing old together.

They'd been married for
sixty-six years.

She pleaded with Emily,
asking if she thought he

would ever wake up.

Even if it were just for

a minute.

She just wanted to talk to him

once more, before letting him go.

She knew she'd see him again one day,

but she told Emily,

"right now, he is still mine."

In my car on my way to work

from the coffee shop,

I thought about the story.

I thought about the wife

and what she must be feeling now.

She knows she'll see her husband

again one day,

and now it's a waiting game.

She's left only with memories

of their adventures together,

their experiences, trials,

and triumphs.

Before she was wanting to 

hold on to her husband to keep

him here with her on Earth.

But now he's in Heaven and

she's awaiting her death so

she can leave this Earth 

to go and be with him again.

Is there not pain in the waiting?

Then it struck me.

Isn't this exactly the mentality

we should have about Jesus?

Many years ago He walked with us

on this Earth, then ascended into Heaven.

And now we wait.

We live for Him,

we spend time with him,

much like a husband does

with his bride.

Sharing life together,

experiencing trials and triumphs together.

Yet we wait anxiously for the day

to come when we can spend

eternity with Him in Heaven.

Should we not be continuously

overjoyed at this promise?

Should there not be an 

overwhelming sense of feeling

like you somehow don't belong here?

I let out a heavy sigh.

I prayed that God would give

me that strong yearning

and to give my heart

the "bursting at the seams"

excitement for the day we are

face-to-face.

Because once we fix our

eyes on the reward we are

to receive in Heaven,

does that not that make our

current struggles, problems,

doubts, and fears dissolve 

into minuscule nothings?

By embracing all of Christ,

our momentary troubles

grow small at the sight

of the vastness of our God.

ali's Corner. [A Simple Poem. - Age 15]

A simple smile
or simple gaze
is different when it's
for the first time.

All the media takes
fault on sucking the
feeling of hand holding
or dancing to the beat
of a song while your heart
dances to the beat of
its own rhythm
when staring into the eyes
of a familiar face.
That face stares back
at you and feels the same.
The media is deceitful
when it comes to these feelings;
you look upon actors who can
just pretend; yet it looks real.

But until you have experienced
it for yourself, you never know
the true nature of something.
Like when your hands start
to shake and get sweaty as
you wait in anxiousness
for what might happen next.

By experiencing what
the media has to offer,
you think you know it all.

But then that exact
something happens to you in your life.
A rush of anxiety forms,
yet leaves you dead in your tracks;
dead, silent, blank, motionless,
not knowing what to do because
the things you thought you once knew,
is now coming into play and is testing
your knowledge.

For when you watch TV and think
you know it all...no...no...
there's far more to explore
when it happens to you.

It's a whole other place,
so leap off the couch and
dance to be insightful.

ali's Corner. [Learning To Love]

Since befriending my curly-haired, 
rock climbing buddy nearly 3 years ago, 
to beginning to date him 
amidst both of our travels to 3rd-world countries, 
to learning how to be in a Christ-centered relationship, 
to a sudden heart defect diagnosis, 
leading to a new perspective on life 
and what really matters, 
I've embarked on a brand new adventure 
with my curly-haired friend on a journey of 
learning what love actually is and what it actually is not. 
Enjoy my newest understandings of the often 
misunderstood definition of love.

Love is...

Not a feeling that results in self-gratification, but a constant laying down of oneself obtained by a choice of an outward action resulting in inner joy that spills out into others and invites them in to experience something greater than oneself. 

Humbling yourself 

with a teachable spirit 

and putting on the willingness 

to learn new things 

(not always good things) 

about yourself. 

It's being willing 

to change the ways 

you've adopted as comfort 

your whole life 

for the sake the other person, 

yourself, 

and the relationship. 

It's being on the same team,

walking towards the same 

ultimate, eternal purpose. 

It's knowing when to listen, 

when to encourage, 

when to be honest, 

and when to just stop 

to enjoy each other.  

It's learning how to be selfless 

by placing the other person's needs 

above your own. 

And it's being graceful 

and understanding 

as the other one learns this, too. 

It is holding each other, not saying a word, 
and allowing the therapeutic closeness 
to bring healing. 

Love is sacrifice.